Why the Blog? THIS is Why!

So I can say shit without stepping in it.

I got thrown in Facebook jail recently. It was just an overnight in the drunk tank followed by an electronic tether. “Restrictions on my account” is how they put it. I’m sure no one else here has experienced this…right? 🙄

It’s happened twice now, and for saying some pretty innocuous stuff, IMHO.

The first time it happened, I didn’t even know for several days. I was just happily reading and posting away like usual, and I went into my profile for some reason, and saw a red banner that said “Account Restricted”. I’m like “what the fuck?” And I figured, well, maybe Facebook finally had enough of me saying fuck and I’d used up however many fucks Uncle Zuck allows without realizing I’d crossed that line.

There were three restrictions, all originating from the same date in late March, and all weirdly random once I saw why I'd been dinged.

I couldn’t go live for 30 days.

I couldn’t advertise for 30 days.

Group posts would be moved lower in feeds for 30 days.

These are all things I do so infrequently, I was down to maybe 25 days by the time I even became aware.

After each restriction, there was a “see why” button. So I clicked and sawed why.

Like I said, I figured I’d finally said fuck one too many times and crossed a line.

Nope. Amazing, I know, but that wasn’t it.

A friend did a remodeling project and posted before and after photos and I liked what he’d done, so I commented on it. And I used a word in the comment that Facebook didn’t think I should be using.

Now why, since the offensive word was in a comment to a friend, was I still allowed to comment to friends, and post personal stuff, but not to, say…advertise? Since Facebook would get revenue from that and it has nothing whatsoever to do with comments on personal posts, I still can’t figure that one out. It would take precious dollars from them. I do have a small business page, and I co-admin a couple of others, and I have to say… it was kind of refreshing not to keep getting those stupid notifications: “Your post is doing well, why don’t you boost it?” That makes no sense, does it? If my post is already doing well, why would I need to boost it? Wouldn’t it be better to boost one that isn't doing so well? Like, “That post you made is lying there like a limp schlong—maybe you should give it a boost, slap it around a little and see if you can bring it to life”.

But back to the topic.

What I said in my comment was: “Nice work! Be careful handy dude, or I might kidnap you and bring you over here to do ours!”

Apparently, Facebook thought I was threatening my friend with a criminal act. And I do get it, considering the times we live in, but, geez…context, please?

Turns out I didn’t have it so bad after all. I learned later on that a friend had an experience with the same word used in the same sort of context, only she ended up with a complete suspension from Facebook AND Messenger for 30 days—and then had her entire account deleted, never to be seen again. Everything she had--all of her photos, posts, memories, everything--gone over one stupid word used in a perfectly innocent context. 

Yikes, WTF, and holy screaming shitballs!

The day after I became aware of my account restrictions, I saw something I wanted to photograph and post. So I took the picture and started to post it, and stopped myself when I typed “I shot this picture”; a perfectly legit way to describe taking a photo, but I figured it would be another one of those words. So instead, I was careful to say “I took this picture”, so I didn’t end up deeper in the shit. Which is apparently a fine word to use, but I’m guessing the nearly identical one with a different vowel isn’t.

For photographer friends, you might want to consider this a PSA. Avoid that word, and any variations on it.

I did a standup comedy open mic shortly after my unfortunate incident, and I didn’t tell many friends I was doing it. I wasn’t sure how it would go, and if it went sideways, I didn’t want to bomb in front of a bunch of people I know, and maybe have someone post that and get in trouble. And if by some miniscule chance I killed on my first try, I certainly didn’t want my friends to post that either and end up in the Facebook clink.

The most recent situation was similar to the first one, only more ridiculous yet and with a slightly different set of restrictions.

Someone I know made homemade cheesecakes for a family outing and posted the flavors she had made. My comment to her was “I will knock you down for a piece of caramel pecan!” Apparently Facebook again decided I was threatening someone with violence; and even the schoolyard bully type will get you slapped. This time, I got a complete 24-hour suspension from posting or commenting, a 48-hour restriction from posting in groups, and for the next 30 days my group posts would be moved lower in feeds (whatever the fuck that actually means).

Juliet. Foxtrot. Charlie. 🤦

So my point is that apparently it’s okay to use ALL the words on Facebook that George Carlin told us we couldn’t say on TV back in the ‘70s, and deploy them at will, but there are others that are to be avoided. Here's what I hope is a helpful list:

KIDNAP
HOSTAGE
KILL
SLAY
MURDER
STAB
SHOOT/SHOT
HANG
BOMB
KNOCK DOWN
BEAT

I’m sure there are more. I’m equally confident that I will step in it again at some point.

So curse away, my foulmouthed friends--just make sure you post “fuck” and not “F Bomb”.